You might of seen a house fly, maybe even a dragon fly but i bet you aint ever seen a donkey fly… shit wrong film & franchise my bad. Time to see Dumbo.

Before we start there is pressure on this film. For today is April 3rd & for the last 3 years the film i have seen on April 3rd has either been a contender or won the golden buzzer for best film of the year. So i always make sure i have cinema booked up for today. So no pressure Dumbo, but you have a lot to live up too.

Screen 5 id say was a third full. Screen 5 is the biggest screen the Odeon actually have so thats still not bad is it. Properly mixed bag of ages too, it really does appeal to everyone. We have all seen the original tho no matter how weird it was.

Trailers, Aladdin (yes) Pikka (yes) Avengers (yes) Toy Story 4(yes) & Shazam (probably friday) so a good selection odeon cheers for that.

& then the film started… well did it do enough to deserve its place on April 3rd… did it did it???


NOPE! NOT EVEN CLOSE!

It missed every mark, it could have swung at so many pitches & levels to get different storys or show certain things off & it missed every single fucking one of them, to just leave you with a humph film.

First aim if your making Dumbo the film, make the film about Dumbo. Nope it wasnt he seemed like an extra who go lucky that then we have to view in every scene because they know the director. I didnt connect with that elephant.

Then when you miss that you are Tim Burton, make a weird version fo it with more pink elephants & weirdness & wackyness go down that route. Nope that didnt happen either.

Okay lets go to the songs then, except for Baby of Mine which everyone in the world crys at no matter who sings it, no other songs were used from the original or were properly used at all as a throw away. We will get to one bit later on about this.

So next you go for your stars you have in the film to make them shine & for it to be all about them. Farrell, Green, Devito & Keaton being an evil baddy for crying out loud. Push one if not 2 to own it. No all looked like they had been miss sold this film & it wasnt about any of them enough to care for them.

So go for the kids in the film then make them stars give them a back bone & a story, nah it missed that.

& then if youve missed all of them make the end epic & grand & memorable… nope that didnt happen either.

It missed every single one of these point & i am bitterly disappointed. Disney what have you done, was this your one too many. It didnt even inspire me to go & fly & reach my goals. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

When the elephant first flew someone in the cinema actually clapped. wtf hes not a real elephant omg nooooooo no nooooooooooooooo!

Good bits The joke about the elephants & the booze & him being a baby elephant so cant drink that was good, very throw away lines though.

Best bit of the entire film was the ring master who basically read the line of when i see an elephant fly. It was Michael Buffer! HAHA! seriously the 3 mins in total he was on screen were the best 3mins of the film.

Basically Disney you mucked up here, thank god you have over films to save you later in the year. There was no Magic no heart no soul & no weirdness. I know Dumbo wasnt my favourite kids film, but this makes me think the original may now have been even worse than it actually was. Avoid & dont make your kids sit through that, no one deserves to.