2 Secret Cinemas in a month… what is wrong with me… Well nothing actually, this is much more like it. This should be a lot of fun. I think ive worked it out as the odeon are doing something similar tonight too, so if its not i will be pleasantly surprised. But lets go to Secret Cinema on a monday night.

(before we start im not spoiling it but i do say something some of you might not like to read in about my first real paragraph of this review, but it needs to be said, youve been warned).

Screen 1 was packed which is always good for something like this. Im guessing everyone in the screening had already done Oppenheimer & Barbie. There was a group in front of me who had just come out of Barbie who were still in all their pink all a giggly mess. Good on them. A right mix of ages too.

Trailers, The Blackish (i think thats right but i think it looks cool & clever), Strays, The Haunted Mansion remake, Blue Beatle & The Meg 2 (Stathom v shark whats not to like) Yea i worked out what it was going to be from these trailers.

So as the Trailer for the Meg was happening a couple came & sat on my right hand side. Popcorn, drinks, nachos & drinks & sat down excited for secret cinema. No if your a true cineworld & film fan you know that 8 times out of 10 odeon have a preview night with clues on the same day you have secret cinema so you can work out roughly what you think the film will be. This was one of those nights, so i was sure what it was going to be which i wanted to try out.

So when there wasnt a title card & it was the two guys who made the film with their Sundance award, i was like yea this is the film id worked out. The couple next to me then go up as the read the title card behind them & left with all their food. & about 20 other people did too. I mean i do get it horror isnt for everyone, but you never know.

& then the film started… & it was TALK TO ME!
Its had lots of fantastic press & the reception at Sundance was huge so i was looking forward to it.

But this isnt my kind of horror, im sorry its not. But i stayed for the whole thing, which im proud of. Because there were 2 points which had people leaving after the initial review. One after the opening scene of the film which was so violent. & then the other which i went oh god no at when the 14 year old tried to (heres the grim but) pluck his own eyeball out of his head while beating himself up. That was grim. Thats when the barbie girls left. So out packed screen 1 30mins into the film suddenly went from being at 90% capacity to about 60%. Yea it was grim, but it stuck with it.

The opening was weird & did set the tone for the film really well, but then they werent mentioned again & then when they were the guy 2 rows away went when someone was name checked “who the fuck was that?” which was what i was thinking too. It was weird to show the start, but not explain it was linked to then dump that bang at the start of act 3 & then for it to still not really be explained why. I mean its all about the hand, but still what the… Did Oppenheimer use all of this year exposition up in one film…

The whole actual hand concept was good for a way of going beyond, but what then happened when they got addicted to was a bit to much. We then went into territories im not sure were needed. Especially with her dad, we could have just not had that. It didnt need to happen. & neither did the crapest love triangle in the world. There was more chemistry with the dog & the male actor than any of his female co-stars. Also some really bad toe sucking at points.

The female lead was good, she is the clue & her desperation to just repair & do everything is sweet but also scary at points. But there were some points where people were over acting & i was just like this is all far too false & put on. especially in a film like this which isnt even a comedy horror. Its full on horror you need to deal with it as an actor too. Please.

Theres a bit with a kangaroo at the start… pay attention to that moment peoples, its bloody important for act 3. I had to explain it to someone as we all left the cinema.

I dont want to say anything else. This isnt my kind of horror film, but im glad i saw it in advanced because i wouldnt have seen this if i had known all about it. Theres about 5 people i know who i can recommend this too. So in that sense secret cinema did its job, but i am not the target Sundance to give this a fair review.

If this kind of horror is your thing, please go check this out, im sure you’ll enjoy it. It just wasnt for me.