Spoilers

I thought id seen this bond film, but turns out no i hadnt, i know im as shocked as you, so lets do this. Time for Diamonds are Forever & if you didnt even sing that in your mind you are lying to yourself. Come on lets all sing it all together… DIAMONDS ARE FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! See that felt good didnt it.

I mean it is a bloody good Bond theme, so thats always a good start. If youve got a banger of a song, hopefully the rest can follow. Shirley owns it, she really does & her singing it at glasto in the rain in those gem encrusted welly boots i will always remember.

Right sorry thought id do that first before the film.

Of all the ways for Blofeld to “die” its in heated mud?! did people really fall for that back in the 70s. I mean thats now a spa treatment people have, isnt it? I mean not that its one ive had, but still.

MR Wint & Kidd are such a stupid but good double act in this. All just to keep the diamonds forever & to keep people out of it who know too much or might be on to them. They do meet rather fabulous ends at the end on the boat as Bond sails away that. Fire with booze & bombs going kaboom. They deserved the over dramatic ending. I like that they got that.

I would say poor old Franks, but i guess he was a diamond smuggler. HE probably did have it coming. Would they have been conflict diamonds back then? But then to switch him so its deemed Bond is dead & then taking the Diamonds is a bloody good idea. Bond wasnt full of shit was he. He knew what he was doing.

A crematorium used to smuggle diamonds… now that is an interesting way of getting you stock. I mean it does mean a lot of dead bodies, but surely it would fuck up the machine. I mean Bond almost being burned alive did have me sitting here going hang on wait were not even half way through the film yet & i know modern films now talk of bond being old but still, hes only scared from his bonds adventures, not the previous ones. So that threw me. Thank god for the decoy.

Try not to laugh at any Bond name but Plenty O’Toole always makes me giggle. Shes not in it for very long. She flirts, she goes to the hotel room, she gets thrown into a pool, theres mistaken identity & then shes dead. I mean classic for an old school bond girl, but still shes there to just be used isnt she. Urgh.

How did Bond even get into that factory, surely he would have been spotted much earlier than this. That being said, this is the whole Laser shizz doctor evil ends up obsessing over isnt it.

Why leave Bond to die? I mean yes i get that where he was left he should have easily died, but the guy has got away for the bad guys or been spotted so many times, that its a little foolish to just leave him in a pipeline & go well hes going to die lets just go.

Im never sure if i should trust Whyte. He just seems like the start up dude who got the money then realised they were bad people & so your never really sure. Its like he knew what he was doing was wrong but he still wanted all his plans & schemes to work.

Ooooh blowing up stuff in China… how cliché… but at least he then blows up other places too. This is the ultimate way to create Doctor Evil for sure.

The final show down on the oil platform & the shit that goes down in act 3 is rather splendid. To this day its still gripping. Yes technology has advanced since for sure, but damn its still based off all that. I mean not all oil platforms have a Blofeld trying to launch a satellite into space do they.

There only continuity between this &the last bond film, is Blofeld & bond wanting revenge on his wife. ITs never mentioned that bond was another actor or that we had gone back to another one. Yes i know people get recast but to go back to the first incarnation always just felt a little weird & then for this to be the last. its just a bit odd.

This one felt like they knew they needed to make another bond film because they had the time & budget to do it. Its alright for its time, but hasnt aged very well almost 50 years later. Its worth a watch, but just to remind you that some of the more modern bond films people moan about are actually bloody good.