spoilers

Last Alicia Vikander film for a while i think. I remember this was on buses for a very very long time but i never saw a trailer for it or a release date for it. & now its suddenly on iplayer… im up for this. So am i going to learn about Tulips or Tudors or just watch Alicia be fabulous as she usually is. Im very intrigued by this film.

Turns out i didnt learn much about anything apart from that even in period costume Alicia is the most beautiful woman in the world still. She really is.

So the narration was someone in the film whos a side character who to start with we dont care about at all but then by the end of the film its basically her story & everything else along the way was leading to this point. The film needs ot make it more about her & not just introduce her as someone properly important 45min & then for the last 15mins make the story all about her. Nah that was bad scripting.

Dench is good but a believable Nun who grows Tulips, nah not buying that. Shes good but we only appears every now & then just to make something else then move along, shes the actual mcguffin not the tulips.

I learnt that everyone wanted weird tulips & sold them at stupid prices, everyone was robbed or brought or bribed or sent off to war. At no point did anyone involved in tulips actually have a good story or an outcome from it.

Christoff Waltz was good, i mean all he has to do is growl & he is good (hes not Ben tho). But he just kind of gives it all up at the end because the story says he has too. I mean yea if your wife is dead when it comes to child birth yea you would do rash things but still, he just gives it all away when the real reasons are told to him as to whos kid it actually is.

No one else realised she was having an affair at all, no one. NO FUCKIGN ONE!!! I mean they were bad at hiding it & they should have worked it out.

Tom Hollander as the worst doctor ever but ends up holding it all together is worth a watch. When he turns up at the start you think you seedy pervy git but at the end of the day he is really helpful to keep the fake pregnancy a go.

& then Randomly Johnny Vegas turns up at that point i laughed the film had lost its way by that point.

Are Tulips worth losing everything over? They are nice but id much prefer a sunflower or an orchid people. I mean i wouldnt say no to tulips oh no but still. The money they went for was mad.

Did people in the old day really just get shipped off to war for 6 months at a time & were enlisted for being a bit of a twat & causing a fight? I highly doubt that but if they did thats very random & also no a steady supply of long term recruits for the army or navy.

It was obvious she was going to go back to being a nun at the end of the film, even before he was commissioned to paint the church.

The outfits were all very glamourous & the paintings were all amazing. Someone somewhere had to sit there & create those outfit & paint those portraits, or at least make them look like that. They were all very beautiful. Better than the tulips.

Its an average film if im honest. Im glad ive seen it but the story was kind of just milling about & doddering about for a good 50minute & then got going & then completely became samey & meh at the end. The character development wasnt that good & i didnt learn as much a about the tulip trade & the period as i expected too from the trailer.

Alicia is still my girl crush tho.