Spoilers?

Admitting to watch this film is bad enough but writing about it thats another thing, hence why spoilers is with a ? as you know if your here youve suffered watching this. I mean i was willing to give it a go i really was & was ready with an open mind. I mean how bad can a Matt Damon film be?

I always try to see the best in everything so maybe i should start with that…
Perdo Pascal Smoulders once hes had his hair cut & cleaned up with his big brown puppy dog eyes…
Thats it thats the good thing about this film… & its not just because that man can melt my heart with just his voice (oh hes speaks spanish at one point thats nice too & when hes taming the monster like a bull fighter, but that was very stereotypical).

There is a clear point in this film where both Damon & Pascal realise they are in a bad film & its about 20mins in which i thought was about an hour in. They both say something & sigh & its there you can just see them go okay lets get through this. They then both try to act there way out of it for the next 15mins & then both give up on that.

At least there were different types of CGI monsters, which was interesting & they actually had faces, which is a change to the usual, they dont currently in most films. But after the first view its like okay we get this now. There were also points where they were climbing stuff where it looked like they had just copied & pasted from World War Z. Yea it wasnt good at all.

There were some action hero shoots which we meant to show them as being brave & strong & how these two random guys were actually the heroes of it all & important to the whole thing, but they were laughable. I seriously spat my drink out at one of them. It was not good. & the CGI bow & arrow shooting (which i did think he was gonna kill Pedro in for all of 5secs) was just liek the fuck. Nah mate nah.

The white washing was so bad, it was so uncomfortable & thats all im going to say on it.

The wigs were atrocious.

Of course that Magnet fucking worked. The second they were like nah we dont need that, it was like yea thats going to be helpful in the long run isnt it. Mid teenies films loved doing that, they really really did.

All the different armys & there over the top weapon & there bright colours to make you try & remember which job they all do during the attacks was a bit much. I mean when people died & more replaced them suddenly it did help there, but i had gone past the point of caring at that point which was only like 30mins in (thought id been watching for over 1h20 at that point but no 30min in).

There is no act 2. We spend so much time in act 1, that act 2 takes up all of 15mins of the film before act 3 starts. ITs so badly paced, no wonder i thought id been watching it longer than i actually had.

I havent even mentioned Willem Dafoe, who actually was da foe in this. I mean he was there to talk a small amount of exposition, teach people English (helpfully) & then to betray everyone before meeting a meh death, which he did deserve. HE should have known better too.

Huge lanterns people can fly onto which basically become hot air balloons later in life.

Had they never checked for tunnels before? How had they not noticed that.

The emperor is like 12, & i dont mean like when i say Lando Norris is 12 (when hes actually 22) but he was 12.

The final show down was all over the place. So many clichés & so much slow mo & stuff working on a third attempt & sacrifices not need by the like 2 characters we bothered to care about who we all knew once we met them that they would die. It was bad even for clichés it was bad.

So after all of that & saving the day, Matt Damon is told he can take all the gun powder & gold he wants or Pedro Pascal with him… he chooses wisely & takes Pedro with him. The correct decision, always the correct decision.

I also didnt realise before i watched this, that this was a monster CGI film, im not a fan of those if im honest. I know people are but im not bothered about the big monster coming to trash a city or enslave us, they can get in the bin. I thought they were taking on an army of people like in Mulan, but no. That Alien arm falls on them & i was just like nah.

Also why attack every 60 years… seriously… it gives them time to prep for the next one why not attack more frequently. Was all very convenient & then to attack early when the random people turn up. Urgh.

So yea that was crap, complete & utter crap. Why did you put yourselves through that lads, its not a good film & it is painful to watch. So much so that ive written this review up almost straight away so i can try & forget ever seeing this film & erase the memory from my mind (other than that evil smoulder that can stay).

I watched this knowing i would probably have to stop half way through for the boxing but the boxing was so behind that i managed to watch this so didnt even get a chance to turn this off.

DONT WATCH THIS FILM!