Spoilers

Time for another Netflix christmas film for 2021. I was going to watch this last year but no one else in my household was bothered by it. But i now live on my own so yeahhh im doing this lets see if its good & magical. I hope it is.

Oh it wasnt, its really really wasnt. Like i sat there & i watched it & it was so painful & awkward & not even Ricky Martin could save it.

So there was act one which went on for an hour, then a 10min act two & then a 30min act three & that was that. Like it was so badly paced & took far to long to get into anything that by the time we got to the real McGuffin, i wasnt bothered about following it. I mean how many films have two opening acts. Like not even a small one nope both opening acts to set stuff up took at least 15min each.

It was clearly developed on the back of how good & epic showman was, as it kept trying to pull that vibe & have epic song set pieces or excuses for people to sing in the first hour 20min. But it never got there at all. I just watched them all & it all felt to false & not organic. Ive got to want to believe your all going to want to burst into song, & in a year where weve had 2 epic musicals come out in the cinema, this just didnt hit the high notes at all.

now no offence to the kid actors in this (they were okay) but there were so many of them at different times in the past, past past & the now, there was a point where i was like hang on had this person aged up yet, why do these kids care about this. Too many, & when we eventually met the lead who was called Journey (hopefully because of our journey to actually get to meeting her took forever) she was okay but it was just like okay another kid. Too many im sorry film. We dont need that many.

Im guessing the moral of patients & love & family is a good christmas one, but that was it really. It just felt like they went what do kids need to know about at christmas & then tried to build a story around that. It didnt work & it all felt a little mehhhhh.

Random snowball fight half way through for all of 5mintues good. Did we need it, yes actually to build a stronger relationship between them. Could that have been done in a better way hell yea.

When we get to the third act it suddenly becomes a heist for a McGuffin & then an action film with mild peril, possible death, fire & slow Mo matrix esq escape. Where the hell did that come from in this slow little film that just plodded along. I mean its not even like a kids film where you assume theres going to be a chase is there. argh.

So no one, not one of those kids who are now adults, remembered that this guy used to make their toys for them 30 years later, not one. I can tell you the name of the man at the corner shop who sold me sweet from the age of 5 to 10 & thats what 27 years ago, (he was Arthur & he used to call all the boys Tom Thumb & all the girls miss Muffat) but you know. Unless all the kids from that era had left town, surely there would be someone who really did remember him as the legend that he was.

Bad business meetings with potential clients & also on like the week before christmas. What kind of film world is this. Everyone should have there gifts by now. Unless hes pitching for next christmas, then nope not having it.

Hugh Bonneville turning up as a random banker twice was weird. He did the best acting in the entire film he really did, although im sure his anger & disbelief was due to why am i in this film, i could be doing more Downton or Paddington (or vaccinating yes hes volunteering up the road from us he lives in Midhurst).

Ricky Martin had one song, & for that he was a toy soldier, so it wasnt even Ricky dancing & giving it all. I was hoping that the toy soldier would have a magical out of body experience as no other rules applied to this film, & then come alive & go for it, but nah. That really was the last straw.

Oh i really wanted to enjoy this & be swept up into the christmas spirit on christmas eve eve, but nah. It hurt. I know i was mean to the christmas prince but at least thats got an idea, this was a complete mess & a shambles. This isnt one to recommend to people for years to come.

So im now going to turn off the credits & put on the greatest christmas film ever made, at the complete other end of the spectrum to cheer me up. Yes… ITS DIE HARD TIME!!!