Spoilers

I have never seen this film before, however i know how it ends & i know its absurd but im willing to give it ago, despite its bloody long run time. My end of the world theme films on disney plus maybe wasnt what they thought about all those years ago when they announced it but still. Lets do this or at least sing the song.

So theres Michael Bay films & then theres this Michael Bay film. Oh god. I mean its just one absurd thing which then leads next one & how crazy & redisclose it all is. Oh there are a lot of reasons ive not seen this film before & they are all being justified they really really are.

Star of the film has to be Steve Buscemi, who is basically playing the most normal person here, who goes a little crazy & gets some epic one liners. He knows hes in a big budget car crash & is just here for the shits & giggles & i appreciate that. He is the best thing about the film by a country mile.

Hello to Jason Isaacs… who everyone just disses as a geeky scientist & doesnt take him all to seriously despite the fact hes got a plan to save the world. Billy Bob starts off being a bit meh at it, but eventually comes up with the maddest plan ever, which would never work.

Ben Affleck is far to serious for this film, he really really is. Hes trying to give an emotional pure performance in this (which we all know he can now do 22 years later & its usually in films hes directed) but with the rest of the film & the performances its far to serious for this CGI save the world movie. & at no point do i think Bruce Willis is actually going to punch him or shout him down or be a dick to him. He should just let him be with his daughter.

The ISS has gone noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. So based on that they work out its 18 days… really… Poor ISS I love that.

& then of course it all malfunctions on their way to the comet, & the Russian guy stows away on board of course that happens, because the ship can cope for all of that.& then of course the only people who survive when it crashes onto the comet are the three people important to the story, sorry Owen.

So lets talk about it the huge huge HUGE PLOT HOLE… HOW IS IT EASIER TO TRAIN OIL RIG DRILLERS TO FLY & GO INTO SPACE & SAVE THE WORLD, THAN IT IS TO TRAIN ASTRONUGHTS TO DRILL THE HOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Seriously i know thats the thing everyone say, but nah i aint having this movie especially as they have a bunch of issues when they do get to space & have to sort shit out. ITS COMPLETE & UTTER BOLLOCKS! & they do all this in 12 days & were all just expected to accept that this is normal & fine? nah nah nah nah

Naming your space ships freedom & independence… i mean i know that ships need names & youve only got a few days to do this but still. Thats too american & redisclose.

So he proposes to Grace but doesnt marry her. I mean i get if he doesnt complete the mission, the worlds probably going to end so he cant marry her, but still, this is an end of the world film, put a ring on it & do the deed mate. Stop fucking about with the monkey crackers.

How many times are they going to play parts of i dont want to miss a thing? I mean i know its the theme tune, but still, it used a lot in this film. However what film do i think about when i hear that song… well its not Armageddon, its Blades of Glory… SNOWFLAKE.

Amazing how the communications are crap & keep going in & out & you cant reach anyone, but for Bruce Willis to say goodbye to his daughter, it works perfectly fine. Typical. We also knew all along that Bruce was going to swap with Ben so he could say he was proud to have him as a son in law & he loved his girl, it was the only way this film could end. Soppy but not near jerking & so predictable.

Bomb defusal while arguing of course thats going to happen, in what kind of 90s film did that not happen, it happened in them all. Also the remote control detonation works fine from earth absolutely. Also thats typical man on the ground not being there going fuck it lets just nuke the bastards up there & not even really forewarn them that this could happen to them. Typical. I mean if its not in their mind they will do a better job on there, but its not like they have a home to go home to if they fail.

Of course at the point where all hope is lost & that hydrogen pocket goes off & destroys a colleague & there equipment everyone else turns up from the other ship with exactly what they need. I mean that space jump they made was so bad even for the 90s. Im allowing it some crap CGI & graphics after all this was the 90s & there were lots of these films going on at the time, but still that jump was just the worst.

& of course they struggle to take off & the russian guy who they have all been going why are you here, why did you hide away saves the day of course he had to do that. & then when they get back to earth theres no quarantine or health check, lets hug & kiss everyone straight away.

One of the most relatable moments of the film is the night before they all fly &they all go get drunk have stupid bets & do what they want, because you know there wont be a world to come back to or they will all be heroes when they do so no one will care. I feel like you would do that in this situation 100%.

So it was meh. There are much much much better end of the world 90s films you can watch over this. Okay yes this make Bay become a legend, but not much else comes out of this film, other than Billy Bob being good in authority for the next 8 years of films after this point.

Im glad ive seen it but i probably wont be watching this again. It was all a bit too cliché.