Spoilers Spoilers oh & Spoilers

This may well be the longest review i ever right so bear with me trust me though it will be worth it.

So August Bank holiday Monday, theres no Football & its raining. I get up and see that Sky Movies are showing all of Star Wars again, which gives me an idea… Why not watch all of Batman, everyone who was in my house laughed. But 7 hours 32 mins later when the final credits rolled, they were all watching.

Join Christopher Nolan on hos epic journey not about Batman but Bruce Wayne. From his initial fear of bats all the way to saving the Gotham with total destruction, losing gaining then losing and gaining & finally losing everything on the way before living the perfect life. Yea sounds a bit shit really.

So lets start off by talking about Batman himself Christian Bale. Some Welsh bloke who somehow managed to make the whole world go omfg. His performances are perfect. He always make you believe that Batman will die each time & that he wont get out of it no matter what happens, but every time he does in such an epic fashion, even if its horrendous like the ending of the Dark Knight Rises (which we will get to in about an hour or so). The original kid who plays the guilt filled Bruce, is really good to setting up Bale for the almighty task.

Bruce does have some epic mood swings (yes i know dual personas don’t help) but the whole i hate my parents house lets tear it up and knock it down, and then when it is destroyed to oh know lets build it back how it was. The fact that hes completely fine with Alfred until he is told the truth about Rachel, which then turns him into a complete knob basically. He tries to kill the joker but then when hes given the ultimate chance fucks it up. Also he tell Alfred he doesn’t need his help then when hes drugged get out his retro phone & gets him to come and pick him up.

Christian Bale does seem a bit spoilt so maybe that was why he was the perfect choice to play Batman. Yes the famous strop did happen after the 2nd film while doing terminator but i think even through the first two you knew he could be a poor little rich boy.

Michael Caine is a lovely Alfred. You do just want to give him a hug though and tell him its all going to be okay. One of the best bit is that he always says one day will be the day i told you so, that it would all crash around you. But when the day comes in the Dark Knight he originally say no im not going to say so before saying but i did bloody tell you so, which then follows Bruce saying hes going to tell the police the batman idea was all Alfreds. Also the classic line whats the point of all those push ups if you cant lift a bloody log.

Gary Oldman is a legend is a legend. Brilliant. Just Brilliant. As much as the TV shows Gotham is really good & there Jim Gordon is cool, hes still no Gary Oldman is he. Once again a full reminder of the start of the franchise at the end really gets you going. He does have some good lines. When he first discovers the Batcar, he goes woo i gotta get me one of those, which is what everyone who’s watching is saying too. Also the fact that when ever he does actually see batman leave he always waves good bye to him or cheers, not that its too often Batman like to disappear unannounced.He gets a bit pissed off at that. No one ever really listens to him though, which is a shame, in none of the films and when they do its far to late. Have faith in your commissioner peoples.

Morgan Freemans Lucius Fox is just made cool by the fact that its Morgan Freeman. Memos, one lines and scowls, while explaining everything high tech to the audience. Christopher Nolan always does like to have a narrator who isnt really one (wait the for my Inception & Interstellar Reviews).

There is one of character that is in all of them. Scarecrow. Dr Johnathan Crane… Cillian Murphy. If that man offered to show me his mask, or the base meant or his pet dogs or death or exile, i would be over the moon about it. Especially when he has his glasses & feathers in the third film HOM NOM NOM. Im in a happy place.

Right lets now do this film by film.

Batman Begins.

The out of order start of the film is very clever, its a shame it wasnt used for the rest of the series. You get flash backs in the third but nothing really with the out of order story.

Does Christopher Nolan just like to blow up large buildings on the side of mountains, as he sees it as a challenge (see inception). Someone had to build that place even if it was a model & then blow it up, thats a lot of hard work & detail to see it all crash down around your ears.

Liam Neeson Ras Al Ghul is good, however due to this performance we have to watch all these taken movies that he then became an action hero in. Batman also saved his life, he didnt leave him for dead. Man up Ras. Then again he gets his just deserts, on the train when he realises that after years of tormenting Bruce about his surrounding hes left on the doomed train. The line about taking Theatricality too seriously is also brilliant.

When the train blows up, why didnt everything in Gothams water main spike? It blew up under Wayne towers so surely everyone must have gone mad for a millisecond.

Katie Holmes is wooden as Rachel in this film, im glad she was replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal in the second movie. Shes a much better actress. Yes the finders keepers memory was nice, and proving that Bruce Wayne has now become the mask of Batman proves a lot but thats about it.

The race back to the Batcave when shes been poisoned is brilliant. Its a black erm tank?! i believe that was the line. The best bit is when he calls for back up with those bats. The chair thing that they used to make him fly down the stair well looks amazing no wonder Christopher Nolan wanted a go, i do too.

The Coat that is given to the old homeless guy earlier on is sweet as later when he first properly becomes batman, he bumps into the man with he coat, and responds to him nice coat, despite the fact that the first instance was an hour ago.

This scene i laugh at though, and its not the films fault. A couple of years ago my mum was watching this film for the first time & when it gets spooky & he jumps down on the bad guys, we had a power cut & she screamed, as she thought batman had got her. now i cant watch that bit without smirking.

The Dark Knight

WHY SO SERIOUS???!!!

God Bless you Heath Ledger,  and your Joker, whom we never truly find out his fate. The perfect Joker, im sorry but he is. The Madness make sense. The Madness is Beautiful. The Madness is defining. So much so that whenever someone in our house says something disappeared, someone else will yell tadah, it is also often a pencil too. Hes so troubled & anguished. Its just such a performance. His story’s about his scars, his mind games and tricks. Its just fantastic. Even the whole can you move please i want to drive is brilliant as hes so polite but so vile.Even the whole its nothing personal just makes you sick. A well deserved Oscar what a man. Miss you Heath.

Aaron Eckhart’s Harvey Dent was stunning too. I had no idea who two face was when i started watching this movie, so was a bit why is my dad happy some bloke called Harvey is in it. Then when i saw the barrels scene, i knew exactly was going to happen. He wasn’t going to die a hero, he was going to see himself live long enough to be the villain.

His coin is brilliant, however this means that he always knew he was going to win the bets, by cheating his luck. So after you find that out you think you sarcy little basterd, and then never trust him again. Its nice that at the end, when he goes to filp the coin to punish Gordon, that even though Batman saves them, you still see the coin land on the correct side, which means they would have lived.

His sacrifice for Batman when he goes to hand himself in is noble, but the chase with the Joker to get to him and for the return of Batman, is epic. Helicopters lorry’s swat fire engines, it all goes mental, not to mention the RP-G’s and Berzukas.

Rachel’s Death is sad, my dad kept saying nah she wont be dead… she fucking blew up strapped to fuck loads of oil & gas. It was so sneaky that the Joker told them the wrong people at the addresses, so that his plan would work, but what if Batman had originally picked Harvey & then got Rachel??? Plan failed different movie. The Interrogation scene is really chilling leading up to this point to. What a line though… I Just Want My Phone Call. BOOOOOM

The Body of Batman that hits the window still to this day makes me jump. I know exactly when its going to happen & the speed. My sister even gave me a heads up before the cinema. Which meant when i saw it then i was on my way down from my jump while everyone else including my dad were still on their way up.

The best part of this film is the people on the boat criminals v people, 15mins to blow up the other boat or you both die. We always discuss this at length. If the criminals did it, it would make them worse, killing the innocent people. If the people did it, everyone on that boat is as bad as a criminal, and deserves the same fate as them. The two discussions on the different boats are good, the people vote, and the criminals shout and scream. But no one has the guts on either boat to condemn the others,with the hardest Criminal throwing the detonator out of the window, and the civilian on the other boat, deciding at the last minute that he cant live with himself. It is a what would you do moment, and defines the madness & beauty of the Nolan Trilogy.

The Dark Knight Rises

Tom Hardy oh Tom Hardy, not quiet up there with Heath but oh wow i love his Bane. He must have just loved it. What a mad man. Summed up by my favorite line of his and possibly the trilogy… we take your city & we give it back to you (do arm actions & voice). I will often do this at home if ive borrowed something from someone. That line is up there with when hes in the stock exchange, and hes looking at this one random trader who looks petrified, and he nods his head as into say alright. Trust me when you next watch the film you will see it clear as anything now.

The plane crash is just brilliant what a start to a batman movie you know then that shit is going down, you dont properly realise its all going to be nuclear yet, but it doesnt take you to much longer to realise that Bane wants to cook everyone.

You also think all the way up until Batmans return to Gotham that Bane escaped the pit, i first worked it out when she didnt have to suffer death, by exile. My sister got it at the point when he says keep her close, he will come for her and my parents got it at the point where she stares out of the window. How noone else saw this in the film, means the people of Gotham must be stupid.

I will never forgive Marion Cotillard for her part in inception, so she was already in my bad books before this started. She is really clever and smart.But her death is pretty rubbish, she could have gotten out of that. Seriously, i know she was dieing with the bomb anyhow, but you know bit more effort next time love.

Its a brilliant twist with the league of shadows return, especially with Liam Neeson return. I had heard a rumour this was the case before id seen the film, so it was nice to keep everyone else in the dark, and see the reaction on all their faces when he was alive in the pit. & then hes her dad woooo!!!

Anne Hathaways Selina Kyle (who is never actually called cat woman) is sleek and stylish and i wish i could wear shoes like that & drive a car. Shes a proper anti hero, only in it for herself the entire film, and then right at the last second changes her mind. This is what makes Nolans films defining even in the evil people,you do see the reason & the kind warmheartedness in the villains. She does leave batman hanging too, something that hes pissed off at as this is usually what he does.

My mums mate Joseph Gordon-Levitt Detective Blake is cool, not allowing to believe in coincidence, the saving the police, and trying to get everyone in Gotham to safety. Hes also the only person to not be told but work out who Bruce Wayne was. His moments with Bale are good, it is almost passing the baton on to him, especially learning that his real name is Robin. Shame we are going to have to put up with Ben Affleck really.

Ok question time bear with (if youve got this far well done by the way) How did Bane get into the board room originally? When did Bruce have time to mend the auto pilot before he was thrown in the Pit? Why did Alfred treat himself to a holiday, if he had no real boss? Why did batman spend so long pouring the petrol on the bridge, and then why didnt Bane set the bomb off then? How did Bruce get back into Gotham?

The stadium collapse is amazing. The panic before goes all the way to that beautiful silence & the child singing the national anthem, with even Bane appreciating it and then BANG! its just perfect what a scene. Even the mayor wasnt safe.

Did anyone ever make it to Exile?

The final scenes where the fight starts on wall street, with the head of the police wearing his dress robes walking down the road to lead his men into battle. That gets you going first, its so sad when he dies, he put it all back on the line after hiding it for months to then be killed in the final moments.

When you find out that Miranda is the true villain and Bane is merely her puppet, you do think that maybe Nolan is going to be evil enough to make us all watch Gotham burn. Thank god for Gordon in the back of the Lorry, who then manages to survive the fall that Miranda doesnt, despite the fact hes there with a bomb. 

He then has to say goodbye to Batman who sacrifices himself to save his city, who then reminds him that hes not the hero, but the man who put the coat over his shoulders as a boy saying everything is going to be okay. Im getting emotional thinking about it now. He finally knows who his friend is and whom was always there for him, but its too late.

The funeral is so sweet, all the people who knew who he was go to it as Alfred crys that he failed Bruces parents.

Everyone moves on with their lives though, Gotham is now safe for the people. Gordon is in-charge with his Batlight, Blake has inherited the Batcave for him & the house for the Orphans & Lucius is back managing Wayne Enterprises.

But what of poor Alfred, well hes on that holiday in Italy dreaming of his fantasy that he hopes is real. Which then in the last scene is real batman escapes & is on the terrace with Selina having lunch who nods in approval.

Im so happy that everyone lived i was certain before i watched the last film that at least one of them was going to be killed off, but no they all got through it.

I thankyou for reading this review. Seriously its taken me over a week to write what with work & other things. But a something is only worth telling if your passionate about it. Thats what Christopher Nolan does, & im not to argue with him Thank you sir for bringing such joy to my life with these 3 films. May the Dark Knight rise forever.

possibly the best franchise ever.