Time for another advanced preview trip to the cinema, wooohoo. Time to see if this man does deserve his oscar win that likely to happen in a few weeks time. Yep time to see The Whale.

It was pretty much sold out which was very good. Id say 80% full. I had someone next to me thats how busy it was. A right mix of ages from late teens to people in their late 70s all here to watch this film & be emotionally ruined by it.

Trailers Plane (which was weird as weve had an advance preview of that), Missing (advanced preview booked), Magic Mike (yes got to mobilise the girls for that), whats love got to do with it (maybe) & Oppenheimer the new long one (i mean yes yes YESSSSSSSSSS)

& then the film started… Oh god, i mean i packed tissues but i wasnt expecting to completely lose my mind at it.

Well he deserves his nomination 100%. Brendan was a phenomenal. All the different side of him. It was such a performance & was so cleverly crafter & made you feel disgust & pain & sorrow & emotion & how he tried to set everything right & sort stuff out. It broke my bloody heart. It was so painful, but you just had to watch it, you were so compelled to not take your eyes away from his performance & that was just because of the way he looked.

The final scene in act 3 im not afraid to say i cried my eyes out. I blub & blubbered & once it was over i was still trying to compose myself & just wanted a hug & then i realised once i had started to calm down, that no one else had left my screening at all. Everyone else was doing the exact same thing. Shaking & sobbing. It was up there with the reaction at the end of Call Me By Your Name. Everyone was equally heartbroken.

I have one big criticism. I know its a thing, & i know how it linked to other things in the film, but i didnt need god & religion pushed into me that much. It at times felt like they were trying to recruit me as well. & im not down for that. By the 4th time it was mentioned, i was like im over this now, please stop. I get the point i really really do. Yea that wasnt nice. That was worse than the mental abuse & controlling ex relationships & things going on in the film & they were uncomfortable watches too.

I mean i liked how it all linked & was showing people for there true colours & to never judge a book by it cover & every moment has a action or reaction that effects someone else. That was beautiful & brilliant & i can so see this working as a play or the stage. Stage shows always make me emotional so imagine how much a mess i would be at the end if i went to see this live. Id be a state. But yea everything links & is so cleverly done.

The bird, im sure had more of a meaning that freedom & him trying to be unshackled from everything, but thats what i got from it.

The binge eating was hard to watch, however you had to especially at one horrendous point, when he then gets his food back & you sit there & go oh no. But then you remember what he wants & you actually think yea i would do the same too.

There were some jokey moments too, not to many, but a few moments that someone in that situation would say to someone else they care about.

Any other teenagers called Ellie at the moment who want to go through trauma? Anyone? Because thats 2 now ive got to keep an eye on.

Telling people to write what they bloody want was inspiring. I loved that. Especially as an inspiring writer myself, that hit home. Hence im going to…

Beautiful, emotional, & so worth the emotional breakdown. I loved it. It was well worth crying out all my tears for it. Is he going to win the oscar? Yes. Will i be heart broken that Colin doesnt? Yes