Apologies to Ali Plumb. I didnt see this on the day it came out, & then a surprise Coda viewing pushed it back, but i think 3 films over the bank holiday may have me being forgiven & then seeing this at my next opportunity, surely you will forgive me.

I need to state before i start this, this kind of film isnt normally my cuppa tea, it isnt & im honest about, but it looks like its going to be full on & driven & acted really well, so i am all up for giving this a go. I mean people like Ali have been going on about this for a while so i feel its my duty to see it.

Id say there was about 20 people in the cinema with me to see this. Id say most were late 40s early 50s who were here to see it. However to the couple who walked in 5mins into the film (after 15mins of adverts & 10mins of trailers) & sat down until the point where a certain character appeared & left about 40mins later why did you even come. I mean you cant have got the wrong screening, otherwise youd have left straight away. They were also dressed up far to posh for the cinema, it wasnt like its a gala night to go see Bond on opening night at midnight, it was a 8:20pm monday showing of a film that had been out for a week. First date gone wrong maybe.

Trailers Everything everywhere (yes finally) Firestarter (probably) Doctor strange (yes probably my next trip if im honest) Elvis (yes) & then the new Emma Thompson film which Letterboxd keep saying is going to be good based on some early festival reviews (yes). A right bunch that all was.

& then the film started… as i said at the top this isnt my cuppa tea & i was right, but that doesnt mean i cant spot good film making & how epic it was.

There is no denying the cinematography in this film is stunning, every single second of it. But theres a point near the end where they were doing some shoots & i looked at it & i was like was it really worth getting those horses up that mounting or having those people walk through that river, just to get a 5 second shoot of that. Was it worth it, did it add anything to the film? To start with it did to set the film up but by act three it was like ok i get were in iceland but we dont need another view of that. It was almost like a tourist advert at times.

There was some stunning acting in this, there really was. I got very stressed at some character & how i hated them. There was someone i knew would be dodgy from the beginning, & when i was proved correct i was like i fucking knew it. Justified doubts Emile well done girl. It was really well done tho, there were moments of desperation you saw on people faces that you just thought oh god at.

The final battle didnt need to be on that volcano, im sorry it didnt. Especially as they had so many other good places they could have had it. Even if just outside the settlement with the starry clear sky they kept panning in on throughout the film, could have been set against that & had better impact if im honest.

So all films start of with a BBFC waring as to why its got that rating. At no point did it mention genocide or segregation. Like that happens early on too. I know that did happen then so it should have been in the film, but for it to be so soon was a bit of a shock. The trailer had shown the slavery so i was expecting that, but not that much barbaric stuff not even at the 30min mark.

When people die or are taken or escape at the start (its in the trailer thats not a spoiler) i didnt feel for anyone. I hadnt spent enough time with all the characters to care about their deaths at all. How about a little less cinematography & a bit more early character development on the leads to give us more of an opinion on them other than the lead who we then dont see again for year later (thats what it said in the film no date just years later… how many 10, 15, 25? you know).

Not enough Willem, hes the king of just popping into films at the moment. When he was on it was a real trip, although not as much as Bjork’s, that was a bit much.

Theres a bit in a cave with moon light i like that, thats stunning thats worth the entrance fee & felt very cool & very real & organic, i liked that.

Alexander & Anya worked really well together they really did. There chemistry & story was believable & you did feel for them & how their relationship developed & how it went from fuck off mate to where it ends up.

Bloody crows & creatures being spirit animals, that being said i do have a spirit cartoon character.

It was well written & well acted & visually was lush, but its not something i will revisit. I appreciate the art & i can see why this is people cuppa tea & why they are so happy to watch this & love it. Vikings are a no go.