This is what you go & see because nowhere (& i mean nowhere) is showing Oppenheimer at a decent time for a second viewing. Not even in Imax & i wont go to my two independents because trust me those chairs even the good large screen for more the 2h30 are hard to sit in, so Oppenheimer for that amount of time… no. & you need a big screen so theres no point going to the other screens they have, its not the same. So here i am at 5:20 on a Tuesday in the middle of the summer holidays about to go & see a kids film because its the only thing thats different thats out at all. Its also been marketed like the spider verse so im hopeful for this.

It was half full. Mainly 1 parent & there kids aged about 8 to 14 which id say was the main target audience. & anyone else there was like me, a hopeful millennial, hoping its gonna be good & like animated Spiderman.

Trailers, the Meg 2 (booked for friday) Joy ride (already seen) a PC version of Strays (looks weird without the swearing) Gran Turismo (yes i think) & the haunted mansion (maybe depends). Yea that was exactly what i though the adverts would be for.

& then the film start… Do not let the cool animation in the adverts & the style trick you, this wishes it could be mentioned in the same sentance as the spirderverse.

Now i love a film that references pop culture, but its got to do it with a pay off. Ready Player One is a film about Pop culture, it can slam it down your throat & you can sit there going oh damn yes. A film like massive talent is all about Cage. No hard feelings mentioning something for a joke to pay off later on, completely works. However there was no need for so much pop culture to be in this film to make those turtles hip & happening. By the start of act 2 i was already board of it. I was sitting there going, okay i get it this is a new turtle story, can we just move on with it please.

I mean it even did the mixing with traditional media, which i always like when a film does that. However it had the wrong effect on me. They snuck into a screening of Ferris Bullers Day off. Like i get it, but how many 14 year olds now would want to watch that as their first choice film anymore. I mean i did when i was 14 (okay that was nearly 20 years ago now{fuck im old}) but not today. No way would those turtles see that & go cool. Theyd all go well this has aged horribly. Nah just stop it film. 20 years ago that would have been cool but not for today teenagers. They have probably gone to see The Simpsons Movie or Juno. Not that.

Paul Rudd as a lizard, now that was cool I liked that. Some of the small additional voice over people were very clever. Seth Rogan, John Cena, Natasia Demetriou (WHO WAS A FUCKING BAT AHHHHHHHHH) Jackie Chan like it was inspired. But no Paul Rudd as a lizard, iconic. I had no idea i needed that in my life.

I loved their Dad who was a rat, he was so cool & his life lessons were always very valid & perfect for the target audience age. I loved that. It was over protective & then supporting. It jsut worked. A good way to show your soon to be or just teenagers that you know, im still the boss here.

Calling it ooze… ewwwwww i mean they could have called it a lot worse.

Them trying to be on you tube & film their videos was fun, but we could have had a lot more of that. & so much of their actually fighting was edited across so many fights or then had other people involved in it to, meant that i felt a little bit cheated that i didnt get enough turtle action. I wanted it more crazy & all over the place, but it just played it safe & went for the clichés. I felt robbed.

I like how high school was portrayed to start with as not nice & that not everyone fits in. So often thats not the case especially in kids aimed at films. Sometimes they just get it so wrong, but they got it right here.

Im sorry this film i just didnt connect with. Maybe i have just seen so many of these films that im just like oh god. I did smile a few times & laughed once, but it all just felt a little lazy. I get im not the target audience, but it could have been so much better. This is not worthy of being considered along side the spiderverse.

Do you want to know what the highlight of this film was… I got home & put on Ferris Bullers Day off… a much much much better movie so cheers turtles for making me watch that classic film.