& this is it. The last Cinema visit of 2019. It cant be as bad as everyone says it is Cats can it. Well lets go see if the gods & stars are aligned shall we.

Well they were to start with Taika & JoJo still hang from the wall & we have the special i’m Taika Waititi stroker of curtains advert before the film whoop. the other trailers were military wives, David Copperfield, doolittle & secret garden.

The stars actually were aligned. Screen 2 my favourite seat was empty whoop. Okay a noon film showing it should be but i did get it. There werent too many people in there id say 30 max. Mainly older couples one family group & one group of teenage girls. But still it looked sparse.

& then the film started… What was that line Thumper said in Bambi. If you cant say something nice, say nothing at all?…









& thats my review of Cats… Joking, although if you loved it like my friends did, maybe avoid my review this isnt going to be nice. I will try my best to keep something positive.

Lets talk positive then. Jennifer Hudson looked like she gave a shit when she sang. She really did. Memory was beautiful & did make me cry. It always makes me cry though. But she looked like the only person who was there that wanted to tell the story properly.

Going to keep being positive Taylor Swift on that moon with the Catnip epic, her song was good too. But other than that 3 min section of the film im not sure why she’d been hyped up as such key part to a film. I felt i had more input in it that her. At least i was there for all of it. I wanted more Swift please. Bring on glasto 2020.

Right elephant in the room time. The CGI. People criticised the Lion King for having atual animated lions & faces with no emotion on them. Give me that every single day over what i just had to witness. Those faces on those cats didnt work. I swear at one point you could see Judy Dench’s wedding ring on her hand. One second someone is doing something with claws & then it edits as it does something from the other way & with the same hand movement there is no claw at all & just a human hand waving around with green nail varnish on so they can animate it.

I understand some cats had human clothes to wear to show there personality but there were points where shoes were on & then off & that they had actual human feet which werent even tried to be covered up by cgi or being caty.

The whole human form as a cat didnt work either. One minute just walking around like yea im normal & then crawling like a cat. One minute people are talking in the back ground next they are mewing. The fact that there are cats with boobs. The tails looked good but to CGIed.

The whole vibe of the film felt completely wrong too. All The big stars they brought in to get people into the cinema to watch this, basically were there for the money & for 10mintues & then were gone. There was no point to them at all. None of them felt like they were there for the craft just the cash & to say they had been in cats.

Those that then werent main hollywood stars (im including derulo in this as hes in it throughout & doesnt just disappear) all looked like they were trying to hard to make the rest of it work & it all looked forced & false & just a waste of time.

& then oh & then AHRHHGTBFERBROEBUFREB Im still angry about this. THE FOURTH WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i understand that works on a stage with this production but they are actually talking to the audience. When it happened in this it was weird for the person to stare straight down the camera & address me. This isnt Bale in Vice or SJP in SATC or Brodrick in Buller. No this is cats. They could of addressed the cats or the people of london. I didnt need that message & freaked me out & i wish i had never seen that bit, & im still pissed off about it now.

So did Cats work… Nope
Was it a complete waste of my time… yep
Will i ever be able to get some of those images out of my head… nope im scared

Basically i have seen this, & you now dont have to. I know this is subjective & you are entitled to your opinion on it but nope. This isnt for me peoples. & its one of the worst films of the year.